


The Time Where TARGET Was Not Family Friendly Anymore

by Eorendel



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Domestic Avengers, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Gen, Humor, Kissing, M/M, Multi, Pets, Protective Steve, Sassy Jarvis, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-09 19:28:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5552414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eorendel/pseuds/Eorendel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The infamous Hacker of TARGET – that makes speakers ring porn clips through the speakers of the store – attacks again. The innocent ears of children aren't safe, neither are the Avengers, apparently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Time Where TARGET Was Not Family Friendly Anymore

It wasn’t a routine per se, or maybe it was, or maybe it was more of a habit at this point. The store was basically deserted at this hour and there was something soothing about going through the aisles while picking things. Steve didn’t usually buy many things to begin with, but once every two weeks he and Bucky went to the nearest Target (that wasn’t really quite that close) and wandered about taking this or that. The place was safe, or as safe it could get with two Avengers in it – Tony made sure that the place was as clean of criminal organizations to assure that Steve and Bucky’s "romantic escapades" went off without a hitch. Steve ignored the phrasing but appreciated Tony’s _unique_ way of showing his support. Bucky was walking beside him while he pushed the shopping cart through the pet aisle, he pulled at Steve’s hoodie while he looked at a big round ball that was supposed to be a toy for hamsters.

Bucky turned around looking inquisitively at Steve, _will she like it?_ His eyes asked silently.

Steve shrugged with a smile. “There’s no harm in trying. Besides, if she does like it we can actually stop worrying about her if she gets out on the floor.”

Daisy was a gift from Clint to Bucky, a neatly wrapped white box, he had said: _from_ _one_ _sniper to another_. Tony gave his two cents translating it, what he really meant was _: from a brainwashed victim to another_. Pepper elbowed him so hard in the ribs at the time he actually doubled over in pain for a while. Steve couldn’t say he didn’t feel a bit satisfied by it. However, Bucky didn’t even bat an eye at it. Instead, he carefully opened the box – somehow giving a vibe of someone disarming a bomb – and peered inside. He pulled a big white rat from it and most of the people present made a face. Everyone was unsure about the gift (minus Clint who was beaming, and strangely Pepper who looked fidgety) when Bucky simply kept on staring at the rodent twitching its little rosy nose.

“Daisy,” Bucky said, instantly making Clint look around him to everybody else proudly. The next day, supplies and food arrived to their door with a little note from Pepper attached to it – _A little welcoming gift for the new resident._ _Please, if there’s anything else you need just let me know._ Bucky had read it over Steve’s shoulder, holding Daisy with his flesh hand. “She can come to play with Daisy whenever she wants.” Steve couldn’t help but keep being impressed by Bucky’s perceptiveness. Pepper, Bucky, and Daisy became playmates every Sunday afternoons from that day on.

Bucky picked the biggest toy ball they had available and then they kept on wandering through the store. At some point, Bucky decided he needed a break from the outside world. The noise cancelling headphones were a gift from Bruce and the iPod had been one from Natasha. The music selection had been a group effort. They meant well, most of them, but when Bucky looked at Steve with pursed lips when Tony offered to fill it with different versions of ‘ _Let it Go’_ , they had decided it was enough help for the rest of the week.

Another thing he loved about Bucky’s headphones was that when he was using them he usually secured himself to Steve’s side by gripping his clothes, the pocket in front of Steve’s hoodies were usually Bucky’s favorite spot. Sam had talked earnestly about codependency and boundaries and recovery but Steve wasn't convinced that shooing Bucky from contact was a good idea. And if he was truthful to himself, he loved when Bucky did this. For him it was a sign of trust. They had worked hard to get where they were, he wasn't about to ruin that just because it looked odd to society. It was a peaceful time they had finally attained after many struggles, he was going to enjoy every second of it.

They were passing the yogurt section when Steve sensed something was off. He stopped and listened to his surroundings. In a matter of seconds his whole body became rigid with shock. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He looked around and there were a few other late customers joining him in his horror. Indistinctly, he saw a worker speeding down the main aisle to the main office.

“Steve?” Bucky’s voice brought Steve back to reality, he was looking around seeing other people looking confused and some laughing madly; his hands were about to take off his headphones.

“ _No!_ ” Steve said immediately, and clasped his hands over Bucky’s.

Bucky’s frown deepened, each passing moment making him more distressed. “What's wrong?”

Steve shook his head. “It's nothing.”

The noises and words increased in urgency and Steve’s brain turned into mush. He was embarrassed beyond measure. But a moment later, the noises stopped. Steve held his hands still on Bucky’s head though, expecting for the show to continue. When it didn't, he slowly let go of Bucky. Cautiously, Bucky pulled his headphones down, looking around, almost expecting a missile to come their way. He turned to Steve, stepping closer to him.  

“What happened?”

“It was a prank done in poor taste. On the speakers. Don't worry about it,” Steve said haltingly and guiltily. Bucky’s previous relaxed stance had changed and a twist of anger flickered to life in his chest—anger at himself and at whomever ruined their evening together. Steve reached for Bucky, pulling him closer to his side and kissing his temple.

“I'm sorry. I reacted badly. I worried you.” Steve murmured against Bucky’s skin, kissing him a second time.

Bucky didn't move away from Steve’s hold even as they made their way to the cashier. “Were they playing Hitler’s _Sieg Heil Viktoria_?”

“Something like that,” Steve said, handing his credit card to the cashier who was still blushing furiously.

“We apologize for the earlier broadcast. It seems our server was hacked. We are deeply sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused you.”

“Don't mention it,” Steve said, taking some of their bags with one hand and pulling Bucky to follow with the other. Bucky got the rest of the things with his other hand and they made their way to their car. A conjoined gift from all their friends – _we didn't actually give you anything when you came back to this century. So here, enjoy it. Use it to take Barnes to a nice place._

They set their bags on the backseat. They pulled their seat belts on but before Steve started the engine he pulled Bucky by his neck, kissing him on the lips softly but firmly, whispering: _Let’s go home – yeah_. It was a part of their routine, something birthed from months of fighting against sleepless demons and invisible wounds.

While they drove though, Steve got a thought. Who else would hack a served just to make a joke?

“You’ve gone too far,” Steve said as soon as he spotted Tony in the common room, feet up on the coffee table, precariously sitting on a spinning chair. Natasha and Clint were in the loveseat to his right. They stared at the exchange with curiosity. Bucky wandered to the other side of the room with Daisy in hand.

“I have not!” Tony answered immediately, “Wait, what did I go too far with? Because there is a really long list for that.”

“You—You put _that noise_ in the speakers while we were shopping,” Steve accused, standing before Tony and crossing his arms over his chest.

Tony frowned, “Noise?”

“Yes.”

“Cap, I assure you, I was busy working on Mark 42, too busy to be trolling you.” Tony said, raising his brows. “What noise are you talking about anyway?”

“It wasn’t you?” Steve narrowed his eyes.

Tony scoffed. “I have Jarvis and these guys as my witnesses. I just got here from my lab.”

“Sir hasn't behaved any worse than normal today, Captain Rogers.” Jarvis commented.

“Hey!”

“Then who did it?” Steve asked the room at large.

“It'd be good to know what is it, you know,” Clint drawled from his spot. “Whatever you’re talking about.”

“Yeah what was it?” Bucky asked while Daisy climbed his chest.

“You didn’t hear it?” Natasha asked.

“Steve didn’t let me,” Bucky replied pointing to his headphones.

Steve was quiet for a moment, shaking his head, “Never mind.”

“Oh no, you don’t get off the hook this easily, I was incriminated! I deserve to know about what!”

Steve worked his jaw, and against his better judgement he said as calmly as he could, “It was sex noises.”

Tony blinked, “What a sec, did you just listen to porn? Oh my God—”

Steve protested. “It wasn’t my choice!”

“—and you didn’t let Cyborg hear the voices, that’s cheap.”

“I’d rather hear Steve’s.” Bucky said casually, petting Daisy while he helped her inspect her new toy.

Three seconds of silence passed before Tony burst out laughing, actually falling from his chair, while Steve felt his entire face go red. The others went to similar states of laughter. A tiny devious smirk settled on Bucky’s face when he turned to see Steve. And Steve gave a smile of his own, one that said he was going to get him back somehow. Bucky’s eyes were bright and held a playful expression; Steve guessed their routine wasn't ruined after all.

**Author's Note:**

> First story for this series, for what I hope is gonna be a fun project. I was devastated when I found out that "Sassy Jarvis" wasn't an official tag. We need to change that soon! What I can comment about this fic is that it's very fluffly and indulgent so if you're looking for a light read to feel better in these stressful times you're gonna get your clicks worth *wink*.
> 
> You can find one of original videos (because this has happened more than once) and reaction here (beware: NSFW): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvGBQ9bev2k


End file.
